NovembersukacitA: sebuah playlist itu-itu saja

[PERSEMBAHAN DARI MASA LALU Romantic Echoes]

Akan kujalani, penyesalan

Berilah sekali lagi rasa percaya

Mungkinkah kumiliki yang dahulu pernah ada

Yang lalu biarlah berlalu

[BIRDS   Imagine Dragons]

Sunsets, sunrises

Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves

Changin' the seasons

Some nights I think of you

Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last

Wishin' and dreamin'

Seasons, they will change

Life will make you grow

Death can make you hard, hard, hard

Everything is temporary

Everything will slide

Love will never die, die, die

[SERENATA JIWA LARA Laleilmanino]

Merona mata namun percuma

Kau anggap bercinta hanya canda

Ajak ku bermanja dan pergi begitu saja

Ditelan dunia

Nyanyian hati serenata jiwa yang lara sunyi menyepi

Kemana rasa yang kucari bila kau tinggal ku sendiri

[C.H.R.I.S.Y.E. Laleilmanino, Diskoria, Eva Celia]

Cintaku bertepuk, harap yang tak ada

Rintihan nada asmara

Kau kehidupanku meski kau tak tau ada aku di hidupmu

Yang kumau kau untukku meskipun kau tak rindu

Engkau aku suka

[WALLS COULD TALK Halsey]

And we both hope there's something

But we bo-both keep fronting

And it's a closed discussion

And I'm thinking "damn, if these walls could talk"

[HYMNE   Romantic Echoes, Matter Mos]

Kadang sulit untuk berpikir jernih hasil benih dari yang tertanam

Masa kecil yang terpendam di alam bawah sadar muncul begitu saja

Muncul begitu ada niat yang keji

Maka setelah itu sumpah aku akan berjanji

S'lagi ku masih bernafas hidupku kan t'rus aku nikmati sumpah mati

[HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW The Smiths]

In my life

Why do I give valuable time

To people who don't care if I live or I die?

Here, there and everywhere II

Relating to my old post here, almost six years ago, I'd decided to make its sequel just a couple hours ago (instead of pretending doing my essay). And now it's done and been uploaded, so here it is,

I wanna be yours

Lagi tergila-gila sama lagu ini nih, puisi yang dibikin jadi lagu sama Arctic Monkeys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4NGoS330HE

Ngeliat beberapa video Arctic Monkeys dari awal banget sampe sekarang ini signifikan banget transformasinya. Alex Turner yang sekarang kayaknya udah semakin sok dewasa, goyang genit mulu tiap nyanyi hehehe.

Coba  gemukan dan berotot dikit gitu, pasti jauh lebih seksyih

Untung cakep dan berbakat ye, Lex :"

Yup, come on over

It's a sunday night, a night never to be trusted for emotions. So, a lot of you guys are gonna head home and either receive texts in the dead of night or actually compose them that are not going to be fully representative of how you feel for the rest of the day, for the rest of your week. Then you'll be reaching out, and if you're not reaching out you'll have someone else reaching out to you. And your friends, and your brain, and your morals, and your conscience have all trained you not to respond. But I'm gonna go against the grain and I'm going to suggest that the next time you get a message from the one you love, the only person in the world you love and can't talk to, that you respond. And you just write back when they ask you if you're up, and you're up, just write back, "Yup, come on over." Cause life is just too short to keep playing the game. Cause if you really want somebody, you'll figure it out later. Otherwise, you'll be laying in bed with a Blackberry on your chest staring at it, doing nothing for the rest of the night, hoping that it goes, "PRRR, PRRR, PRRR." If you love someone, if you love someone. If you love someone, if you love somebody. If you love someone. Don't say a word, say, "don't say a word, just come over. Just come over, just come over, don't say a word, just come over. Let me cry all over you, let me wish that you were someone different." If you love someone....

Little black submarines

Little black submarines
Operator please
Put me back on the line
Told my girl I'd be back
Operator please
This is wrecking my mind

Oh, can it be
The voices calling me
They get lost and out of time
I should have seen it glow
But everybody knows
That a broken heart is blind
That a broken heart is blind

Pick you up, let you down
When I wanna go
To a place I can hide
You know me, I had plans
But they just disappeared
To the back of my mind

Oh, can it be
The voices calling me
They get lost and out of time
I should have seen it glow
But everybody knows
That a broken heart is blind
That a broken heart is blind

Treasure maps, falling trees
Operator please
Call me back when it's time
Stolen friends and disease
Operator please
Pass me back to my mind

Oh, can it be
The voices calling me
They get lost and out of time
I should've seen it go
But everybody knows
That a broken heart is blind
That a broken heart is blind

Sink in my skin and my bones

All that I have is a river
the river is always my home
Lord, take me away
for I just cannot stay
or I'll sink in my skin and my bones

The water sustains me without even trying
the water can't drown me, I'm done
with my dying

Please help me build a small boat
one that will ride on the flow
where the river runs deep
and the larger fish creep
I'm glad of what keeps me afloat

The water sustains me without even trying
the water can't drown me, I'm done
with my dying

Now deeper the water I sail
and faster the current I'm in
that each night brings the stars
and the song in my heart
is a tune for the journeyman's tale

The water sustains me without even trying
the water can't drown me, I'm done
with my dying

Now the land that I knew is a dream
and the line on the distance grows faint
so wide is my river
the horizon a sliver
the artist has run out of paint

Where the blue of the sea meets the sky
and the big yellow sun leads me home
I'm everywhere now
the way is a vow
to the wind of each breath by and by

The water sustains me without even trying
the water can't drown me, I'm done
with my dying

What if it rained?

I feel really happy after listening and seeing this,

thank you, Paul

Kjempeflott

Alas! I cannot swim

There's a house across the river
but alas I cannot swim
And a garden of such beauty
that the flowers seem to grin
There's a house across the river
but alas I cannot swim
I'll live my life regretting that I never jumped in

There's a boy across the river
with short black curly hair
He wants to be my lover
and I want to be his peer
There's a boy across the river
but alas I cannot swim
And I never will get to put my arms around him

There's a life across the river
that was meant for me
instead I live my life in constant misery
There's a life across the river
but I do not see
why I should please those who will never be pleased

There is gold across the river
but I don't want none
There is gold across the river
but I don't want none

Gold is fleeting, gold is fickle, gold is fun!
Gold is fleeting, gold is fickle, gold is fun!

There is gold across the river
but I don't want none
I would rather be dry
then held up by a golden gun

Saying

work more
earn more
live more
have more fun

Saying
work more
earn more
live more
have more fun

Saying

work more
earn more
live more
have more fun

live version

This is the last time of my life

 

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said, "This is the first day of my life.
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.
But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy."

So if you wanna be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

Waltz #2

Elliott Smith - Angeles

Elliott Smith - Because

Elliott Smith - Between the Bars

Elliott Smith - The Biggest Lie (Tribute to Elliott Smith)

Elliott Smith - Coming Up Roses

Elliott Smith - Miss Misery (Music Video)

Elliott Smith - Miss Misery (Oscar's Performance)

Elliott Smith - Needle in the Hay

Elliott Smith - Pitseleh

Elliott Smith - Say Yes

Elliott Smith - Thirteen

Elliott Smith - Waltz #2

I just thought that I always love dead people.

Poor Elliott

Entah kenapa saya pengin nulis. Nulis apa aja yang penting nulis. Weit, kayanya bukan nulis tapi ngetik. Dan kayanya bukan entah kenapa tapi karna emang niat (bingung?).

Saya (lebih baik aku), aku mudah sekali terpengaruh, terutama tersugesti dengan kata-kata ditiap tulisan orang lain. Sebenarnya bukan isinya yang menyugesti aku. tapi cara penyampaian mereka itu. Bagi aku, hal yang paling sulit itu adalah menceritakan apa yang telah terjadi ke dalam bentuk tulisan. Oh boy, sulit mikirin apa yang mau ditulis. Kadang saya pusing merangkai kata-katanya, bisa ampe berjam-jam saya di depan layar cuma buat mikir-mikir. Tapi setelah selesai ngetiknya, saya baca ulang dan kayanya kebanyakan bullshit.

***

7 Juli 2010, malam-malamnya, di rumah semua lagi pada sibuk bersih-bersih, karna besoknya bapak saya pulang. Saya aja baru dengar saat itu juga kalo bapak saya pulang besok. Watdehek?

Dan besoknya 8 Juli 2010, jam setengah sepuluh bapak saya udah sampe rumah. (Kok kayanya gak berkesan gitu ya).

 
Seperti biasanya, dia pulang kebanyakan bawa coklat dan laen-laen. Nthen kami semua berpelukan, maksudnya saya pelukan dengan bapak saya, mama saya pelukan dengan suaminya, kakak saya pelukan juga. Bukan berpelukan ala teletabis.

Makin lama, tahun demi tahun, hubungan saya dengan bapak saya makin terasa hambar. Sebenarnya salah saya juga, saya gak tau begimana cara deketan lagi dengan bapak saya sendiri. Saya sering ngerasa bapak saya sedih karna sifat saya udah beda kaya pas bocah dulu (ato saya sendiri yang kegeeran).

***

Aku sering mikir kalo yang aku kerjakan selama aku hidup selalu monoton. Gak ada satupun hal yang spesial. Aku baca ulang semua tulisan aku kayanya kebanyakan keluhan, jadi aku berpikir, “kaya idup lu aja yang susah!” Dan sekarang, saat ini, aku jadi ingat (akan selalu ingat) kalimat yang pernah diucapkan Pak ***** (guru bahasa arab), “Kalo susah jangan pernah lihat ke atas, lihat ke bawah, masih banyak orang yang lebih susah. Tapi kalo urusan belajar, liat ke atas, jangan pernah ke bawah.” Kira-kira gitu lah yang bapak itu bilang.

Tapi aku mikir lagi, eh, kan semua orang berhak berlarut-larut dalam kesedihan! Aku juga punya hidup, terserah aku lah mau ngeliat ke bawah, mau ngeliat ke atas. Peduli amat. Lagipula hidup makin menyusahkan.

Nah, jadi yang mana lebih baik? Memendam perasaan sendiri atau ngeluh sepuasnya? Anda yang memutuskan sendiri.

Gila, ada bunyi kucing tadi, saya cek keluar sambil membunyikan, “ck ck” kucingnya gak muncul (kan biasanya muncul kan). Bunyi kucing diluar kok sampe kedengar di kamar? Ada dua kemungkinan, pertama eraman kucing tersebut sangat keras, kedua, kucing tersebut ada di ruang teve, wat?!. Ah, males ngecek lagi, liat saja besok. Wkwk.

***

Oh ya, empat hari yang lalu saya login ke akun last.fm saya, karna ngeliat di forum kayanya banyak yang make gitu. Lalu saya rasa kayanya akun yang lama diapus aja, biar bikin yang baru. Saya baca dengan seksama apa tujuan last.fm sebenarnya (soalnya sebelumnya gak pernah ngerti). Setelah dibaca, oh harus didonlod dulu scrobble-nya. Selesai saya download lalu dipluginkan ke winampnya, abis itu login di scrobble-nya. Hmm, kok jadi tutorial cara menggunakan last.fm ya.

Sebenarnya bukan last.fm itu yang pengin saya ceritakan, tapi it’s about Elliott Smith!

Jadi gini, saya kan emang suka dengan musiknya Elliott Smith sejak tahun lalu, tepatnya setelah nonton Good Will Hunting. Jadi saya suka donlod-donlod lagunya dia, mulai dari Miss Misery, Between the Bars, ampe yang laennya, Son of Sam, Say Yes, White Lady Loves You More, Angel in the Snow, First Timer, Blackbird, New Monkey, etc. Saya donlod juga vidklipnya yang Miss Misery itu. Udah, sampe segitu aja, saya cuma denger lagunya dia yang itu-itu aja, gak yang laennya.

Nah, setelah di page last.fm itu kan ada something untuk ngisi musisi favorit kita, lalu saya masukin deh musisi yang sering saya denger lagunya. Saya liat profil-profil mereka semua atu-atu. Dan setelah di profilnya si Elliott Smith ini, saya amat sangat tertarik dengan kisah dia! Biar lebih afdol saya baca di wiki lagi. -_- saya jadi sedih. Jadi keinget dengan kisahnya Kurt Cobain. Udah ah, gak sanggup lagi aku nulis tentang yang ini, kapan-kapan mungkin aku mau terjemahkan yang ada di wiki (sungguh gak ada kerjaan).

Karna emang saya pengin denger lagu dia yang lain, saya donlod sebagian lagu dia yang ada di chart (sumpah, enak-enak semua!!!! sumpah gak boong) + video-video dia yang ada di utube. Banyak komen di utube yang berkata positif tentang dia.

Salah satu contohnya, pas dia perform di Oscar, gayanya terlalu canggung ampe-ampe msn bilang kalo penampilan dia adalah ‘Oscar’s Most Awkward Moment’. Baru dikomen dengan yang lainnya kek gini:

“msn had this performance as one of the "oscars most akward moments"...wtf? this is beautiful”

“The world doesn't deserve you Elliott, you're far too beautiful for them to comprehend.”

“I miss you soooooo bad Elliott! I do!”

“He seems like he was a humble and pleasant man...its a terrible shame people like him seem to have the worst time...an absolutely fantastic musician”

“fuck what msn said..corparate idiots”

“He should have won!!!!

Celine SUUUUUUCKS!!!!!”

“He looks so horribly uncomfortable in that suit. This makes me really sad. A good performance tho”

“I'm a big smith fan and I know I don't really know him or anything. But from this video I can just kind of imagine how he must of felt.

You have to play your song or else we'll play it for you. You have to play this abridged version. You better dress up and look good playing in front of these huge mega screens for America to see. Our top notch orchestra is going to be accompanying you. This is for everybody and you can't not show up.

I bet he was just glad to get it over with.”

"elliott smith totally got robbed. celine dion didnt deserve that oscar. elliott smith was the only one who wrote and performed his own song. Celine dion can suck it." 

Fyi, lagu dia yang Miss Misery (Good Will Hunting OST) adalah nominasi best original song Oscar 1997. Yuknowlah yang menang kan My Heart Will Go On nya Celine Dion (Titanic OST).

Fyi, dia mati diduga (udah pasti) bunuh diri dengan dua tusukan taon 2003.

Fyi, childhoodnya kurang bahagia, dia korban sexual abuse bapak tirinya.

Fyi, dia ngedrugs dan menggunakan barang-barang terlarang laennya. 

Fyi, suara dia khas sekali, gak ada yang bisa nyamain dia (opini pribadi).

Fyi, nanti aku mau buat terjemahan biografi lengkap dia.

Fyi, kalo penasaran baca aja langsung. o_O

P.S. Harus denger musik doi! It’s soooo easy listening.

P.S.S. Mungkin ada yang baca ini sering denger lagu dia, share yok.

P.S.S.S. Ya ampun, setelah aku baca ulang kayanya persepsi aku tentang orang itu terlalu sangat benar-benar berlebihan. ~saya emang maruk~

A-i-u-e-o

Ish, pengin nonton Toy Story 3, tapi gak bisa. Kangen liat Woody, Buzz, dkk (tapi kayanya saya cuma bakal nonton di dvdnya, and btw, I don't wanna watch the trailer and read the synopsis, biar lebih surprise). Fyi, nampaknya Toy Story bakal menjadi 'The Amazing Trilogy' kaya trilogi-trilogi keren lainnya, yaitu The Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, Back to the Future, The Godfather, American Pie [?].

***

Oh ya, btw, pernah dengar lagunya Feist yang 'When I was a Young Girl'? Kayanya udah dua bulan lebih saya denger lagu itu terus, saking nyamannya di kuping.

When I was a young girl I used to see pleasure
When I was a young girl I used to drink ale
Out of the ale house, down into the jail house
My body salve-aided and hell is my doom

Come mama come papa and sit you down by me
Come sit you down by me and pity my case
My poor head is aching my sad heart is breaking
My body salve-aided and hell is my doom

Please send for the preacher to come and pray for me
And send for the doctor to heal all my wounds
My poor head is aching my sad heart is breaking
My body salve-aided and I'm bound to die

One morning, one morning, one morning in May,
I saw this young lady all wrapped in white linen
All wrapped in white linen
And called out 'the plague'

DONLOD

***

Anyway, hanya di blog ini saya bisa lebih open-minded. You know lah ~gaktau aku~, saya ini orangnya tertutup/pendiam/gak gahol (dll sebangsanya). Yang sering saya kerjakan hanya, ngenet, ngenpon, ngewatch, ngelisten, ngewatch, ngeeatbread, ngeread, ngewalk, ngelisten, ngetik, ngesing, ngeshit, ngeluh, dan ngengelainnya. (except ngetalk (except in home (ya ama mama saya dan kakak saya))).

Mungkin, karna itu saya ngga gaul. Dan, teman-teman yang saya punya pun hanya sekedar 'teman aja', yang tak-deket-deket-amat, yang hanya bicara gitu-gitu aja, yang kebanyakan cuma ngobrol kalo ada kepentingan doang, yang hanya, yang hanya...

Yes. I know that's sound pathetic. Tapi emang dasarnya begono kepribadian saya. (It just can't be changed, and I just can't change it. Not until there's someone who loves me and whom I love, can really makes me change, even at my worst).

Ng, kok malah melankolis gitu jadinya.

P.S. Btw, saya bukannya fobia-sosial. Tapi, saya cuma gak tau gimana caranya menjadi akrab sama orang-orang. That's it.